Area 77

Sung in the tune of TLC’s Waterfalls.

Lazy mothers that have nothing to do but
drive the kids to school and then come to work
But you know that’s just a place, for some breakfast and tea
And if they’re late to leave they’ll just go berserk

You see I work there so I know how it goes
Napping and working is just perfect symmetry
The boss has been gone nearly twelve bloody weeks
Nothing to do for this forsaken ministry
How can this be?

They’re ungrateful idiots, complaining ’bout the hours
And the pay that they’re getting
They’re kids’ll end up being like them, there’s no doubt about that
To me the future’s not looking so hot

Don’t get me started on the gossip and roasting of celebs
and the absent employees
“Ree7at’ha khaysa o 3yalha sej jeyaker”
But then the next day it’s, “Shlonech, 7ayaty”

You can’t imagine but I’ll try to describe
All that I’ll say is really quite simply simple
They look like clowns and dress like flashy d-queens
Some even have fake moles and one new fake dimple
Are you kidding me?

They’re ungrateful idiots, complaining ’bout the hours
And the pay that they’re getting
They’re kids’ll end up being like them, there’s no doubt about that
To me the future’s not looking so hot

(I couldn’t do the rap. I tried.)

Also, check out my other rewritten song, My Favorite Things.

AD Sport bought the rights to broadcast the English Premier League for the seasons running from 2010 through to 2013 for $1.7 billion. I guess they don’t have money left to manage their PR and Sales departments. According to their website, subscriptions were scheduled to start ‘mid July.’ It is now August and the first game of the EPL is exactly two weeks away.

Their website lists the providers, in Kuwait, which were/are going to be where we would get our cards or receivers. I called all of them to see if they might have any information about this issue.

Carrefour 2259 8222

We don’t know if we are even getting it or not.

Geant 2536 1111

I don’t what this is. I will ask my manager and call you back.

Lulu 2475 9333

We are definitely not getting it.

X-Cite 180 3535

I don’t want to give you the wrong information. I will call you back when I make sure.

Eureka 2536 1100
Not very optimistic about this piece of information. I will check again in three days and see what they will say.

The card will be available within three days.

LG (Al Babtain Electronics Co.) 1833 333
No answer from customer service.

Electrozan 1825 252
The call center system is screwed up.

Sultan Center 2264 2854
The phone line is always busy.

In conclusion, AD Sport is getting off on the wrong foot and are embarrassing themselves. Everyone one I know is pissed and confused. I suggest everyone to email angry complaints so that they know how we feel.

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If I could choose only three crayons they would be yellow, orange and green. Otherwise, I won’t be able to draw the sun and grass.

What’s wild about me?

Bison horns – Your bison horns, unlike deer and elk antlers, are made of a substance similar to hair. They are also slow-growing and permanent. They grow in yearly “rings” which indicate age.

Anaconda snake tongue – Now you can smell with your tongue! Your forked anaconda tongue collects odor molecules from the air and brings them back to tiny grooves in the roof of your mouth, letting you “taste” the air.

Giant tree frog arms – Your sticky fingers are actually giant tree frog toe pads. They help you cling to trees and climb vertically anywhere you want.

Chilean flamingo wings – Your Chilean flamingo wings have dark feathers on their underside. Males use them in courtship displays by flapping their wings to make black flashes that attract the ladies. Ooh la la!

Siberian tiger tail – Your Siberian tiger tail is a four-foot-long aerodynamic masterpiece. It helps keep your balance when you’re running. Just like a spoiler on the back of a race car.

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Now that summer is here and you wish you were anywhere but here in this deathly weather and can’t wait until your vacation from work starts, take the time to reminisce about an awesome summer you once had.

My favorite summer was in 2007 when I went to visit my family from my mother’s side in Egypt. I hadn’t been there in seven years and honestly was not looking forward to it. As a teenager, I never enjoyed myself even though there were plenty of things to enjoy. My cousins were either much older than me or much younger. Anyway, this time I planned my visit to only last four days. My attitude was still the same as when I was a moody asshole of a teenager. But I made a decision and felt it was my duty to come and see my family. My younger cousin had died the year before when she was 15 years old and I was feeling extremely ashamed of myself for not getting to know this person who was my flesh and blood. I didn’t want that to happen again.

As soon as I arrived, I was welcomed by people who genuinely happy to see me. On top of that, I was finally considered an adult, treated as an equal. By that same night that I arrived, I was already pissed that I was only staying for only four days. However, they were a great four days. We had a great time together and most importantly, they helped me get through my guilt and shame. I cried but we also laughed at old memories of my late cousin. And they talked about how she grew up since I had last seen her and showed me photos too. They told me she was a wonderful girl who loved to read, was great at school and had big ambitions. It was tough and still is tough for me to talk or think about her, but the important thing is that I always will. I’ve even seen her in my dreams twice. I described how she looked to my mother a few days after she told me died. Long hair and glasses. She always had short hair as a child and had only recently gotten glasses.

This seems like a depressing summer memory but it really isn’t. I’m a better person because of it and I’m really thankful that I went. It’s weird, but my cousin’s death brought me closer to my family. I love them and they’re my friends. Since that summer, I require my self to go at least once every year. And every time I do, I actually look forward to it and hate the day I have to leave.

I can’t wait until I see them this September.

Traditional my ASS. The vuvuzela was invented by some fucker in the 90s.